Table of contents



Deep love is a prerequisite for good sex…………………………………………4

Love, intimacy and sex…………………………………………………………..6

Sexuality in old age………………………………………………………………7







            There are many diverse forms of human sexuality that comprise a range of behaviors, historical periods and sexual expressions that are varied across cultures. Yet we can say that the basic principles of human sexuality are universal and are an integral part of human beings. Sex is the key component and purpose of human existence from love, to procreation to family. This essay will look at human sexuality from how love can be a prerequisite for good sex and also on sexuality among the older people.














Human sexuality is the understanding of the differences in gender and the capability to have erotic responses and experiences. It can also be the way a person is sexually attracted to someone else be it to all gender identities, to the opposite sex, same sex, either sex or just not being sexually attracted to any group or person. Usually a person’s sexual activity heightens at puberty (Carlson, Neil and Heth, 2007). There are quite a number of theories that deal with human sexuality such as that of Sigmund Freud which aids in the understanding of sexuality. The evolutionary point of view on human mating as well as the sexual strategies theory and social learning theory give another view point on sexuality (Buss and Schmitt). Human sexuality also has socio cultural aspects where it denotes the historical developments as well the religious belief associated with sexuality including the Jewish and Christian views on sexual pleasure. Human sexuality also deals with issues of sexually transmitted diseases (STD’s) and methods of birth control. Gender and sexuality are intertwined as it is the defining characteristic for every person. Sexuality encompasses sex, pleasure, gender identities, intimacy, eroticism, sexual orientations and reproduction. It is understood and expressed in our desires, thoughts, beliefs, fantasies, attitudes, roles, practices, behavior and relationships. Sexuality has some bearing on the interaction of the psychological, biological, economic, cultural, social, political legal, religious, ethical, historical and spiritual factors.

Deep love is a prerequisite for good sex.

When a new relationship is being formed a person should put sex at the back of the burner and give this new relationship a chance to grow and develop and see if intimacy will be achieved.  If intimacy is achieved then the idea of love will be established and you will know whether love is a possibility or not. If it is considered to be a possibility then sex can be introduced into the mix. Taking time to build a relationship through first giving love a chance then sex later creates a strong bond where there is potential for a lasting relationship.

According to the triangular theory of love developed by psychologist Robert Sternberg, there are three components of love that include intimacy, passion and commitment. The level of love that one experiences relies on the absolute strength of the three components of love. These three elements denote the types and stages of love that can be explained with the different combinations of these three components of love. Without these three then a relationship cannot survive. Having a good relationship that is based on love therefore means that a relationship will prosper and in turn this means that there will be a good sexual understanding in the relationship.

Diagram of the triangular theory of love


Liking according to Sternberg characterizes true friendships where a person feels some warmth and closeness with another person but is not a long term commitment. Infatuated love on the other hand is what can be termed as love at first sight where there is no intimacy and where love can disappear suddenly. Empty love is that kind of love where a stronger love deteriorates but the commitment is still present. The love and intimacy however still exist. Romantic love is where the individuals are bound emotionally and physically through arousal. Compassionate love normally exists in marriages where the passion is lost but the commitment and affection still exist. Fatuous love is where it is exemplified by a whirlwind courtship that results to marriage and that which commitment is motivated by passion. Consummate love is the ideal love in an ideal relationship where very few achieve. Sternberg however cautions that maintaining this kind of love is even harder than achieving it.

Love, intimacy and sex

Intimacy and sex is not the same thing as there is a broad difference among them. On sex and intimacy, sex can be the greatest physical connection that can be between two people, intimacy on the other hand can only happen on a more emotional level. Sex is can be purely based on the physical connection. There are many differences to the sex theme and that which does not entail any emotions such as oral sex, vaginal sex and anal sex just to name some. When emotions are included then sex is typically referred to as the act of making love and as such a couple is considered to be sharing both intimacy and sex. Intimacy on the other hand can exist without sex. For example parents have intimate relationships with their children as can siblings with each other. An intimate relationship therefore can be formed around sharing and caring. Two people can have an intimate relationship where they share of themselves by opening up and being vulnerable. When these two are combined, sex and intimacy, the two of these sums up what is known as love making. Making love can involve all the themes of sex or just one but what greatly influence this are the intimate emotions that an individual can have for the other person and is same between the two people. When these two, sex and intimacy are combined then the love between two people are deepened.

The third element that is love exists in a sexually intimate relationship. Relationships that are generally based on sex are bound to fail while one that is founded on intimacy and that which progresses to love. The bottom line is that sex can exist for the sake of sex alone. Intimacy and love are not required for sex to happen. Love needs intimacy but certainly it works better if the element of sex is also involved. In order to achieve a good relationship an individual should put sex on the back burner when they start any relationship. Give the new relationship an opportunity to develop into intimacy which can then lead to sex.

Sexuality in old age

            Usually sexuality originates from childhood and it develops and matures with age.  Sexual drive can be significant for either gender and at any age. While our bodies can have limits on the reproduction stage, sexual activity can continue well into the older years of life. Sigmund Freud’s theory explores on the values of intimate personal attachment and the role it plays in mature sexual satisfaction or fulfillment. Changes in sexual behavior especially in humans arise with age. Aging usually creates changes in sexual performance and men experience this more than women. This is due to the fact that orgasms become rare and less frequent and as such need some sort of stimuli to have and keep an erection and many resort to the use of drugs.

Age and sexuality is similar to almost all other aspects of aging. Age does not essentially change our sexual desires. Couples who have been in a long term relationship tend to have a reduced frequency of sexual drive but not essentially their satisfaction with one another. Many find that there are changes in their sexual expression and with age there is increases love and intimacy.  Menopause is a major aspect in women as many have an increases desire and sexual activity as there is no concern about pregnancies, their children have become self sufficient and the postmenopausal woman becomes more assertive in articulating their needs. In men however they experience physical changes that come with age that in many cases affect their sexuality. Their erections may not be firm or long as before and the waiting period between erections may be longer than before. These changes can be adapted through boosted manual stimulation as well as through other methods of sexual expression combined with normal intercourse. While women have menopause, men experience climacteric which normally occurs between 35 and 65 years but is entirely dependent on the biological makeup of every male person. Although they remain fertile they have this feeling of being unsatisfied especially with their lifestyles and achievements as well as experience a variety of physical symptoms and unfriendly emotions that are usually associated with the aging process. The decrease in the production of testosterone is the key cause of physical symptoms like erectile dysfunction, lack of energy and muscle deterioration. Also associated with the climacteric period in men is the weakening health especially of the heart, hearing, prostate and digestive system (Castella, 2011).

Partner availability and health are the key factors that have an impact on sexuality in older people. For women who are older it is partner availability that is of serious concern. Generally women outnumber men especially when they age and as such this decreases the pool of males in the society. Many women then turn on masturbation in order to have sexual gratification. Also with age there is the aspect of increases physical limitations where their libidos decrease specially in men. Decline in libido in women causes lack of interest in sex and also the desensitization of the female genital area leading to pain during sexual intercourse. Treatments such as the Hormone Replacement Therapy reduce the effects of menopause and as such women have the opportunity to have an active sex life as well as the treatments of erectile dysfunction for men.

One of the key benefits is the health benefits that are associated with an active sex life in old age. In the United Kingdom, one government health adviser went further to promote the benefits of an active sex life to the elderly. This is attributed to the fact that sex helps people calm especially in stressful situations as it provides the feeling of security and love.


            Love, intimacy and sex go hand in hand. Love is the emotional, physical, intellectual or social affection that can exist between two people or one which that a single person can have for another. Human sexuality really is very complex and broad and has many perspectives on it regarding types of sex, the emotions involved and the cultural and religious aspects it has. In order to understand human sexuality it is paramount that an individual first understands oneself where you either enhance or inhibit the capacity to love and be loved. For a newborn the idea of human sexuality is nonexistent as one is completely dependent on their parents but for the adults it is a real issue.  One goes through love in their own way and establishes their relationships their own way. Human sexuality therefore is a broad subject that affects and involves all other aspects of the human life



Buss, M. D. and Schmitt, P. D.  “Sexual Strategies Theory: An Evolutionary Perspective on Human Mating”

Carlson, Neil R. and Heth, C. D. (2007) “Psychology: the Science of Behaviour.” 4th Edition. Toronto: Pearson Canada Inc., 684.

Castella, C. (2011). Signs & symptoms of climacteric. eehow | How to Videos, Articles & More – Discover the expert in you.. Retrieved December 16th, 2011, from

Heath, H (2000). “Sexuality and Continence in older women”. Elderly Care (3): 32–34

Hogben, M and Dyrne, D “Using social learning theory to explain individual differences in human sexuality – The Use of Theory in Research and Scholarship on Sexuality”;col1

Sexuality in adulthood – aging, women, age, changes, and intimacy – JRank Articles. (n.d.). Marriage and Family Encyclopedia – JRank Articles . Retrieved December 16th 2011, from


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